Marriage is hard.
As you know, it was valentines day🌷 a few days ago.
Emperor Claudius II executed two men — both named Valentine — on Feb. 14. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day.
Despite the dark history, at some point this day became about celebrating love😍 as opposed to martyrdom (although the difference could be argued) … My marriage
My wife and I have had some rocky times, culminating with the stress of having 2 under 2’s👫. Thankfully things have calmed down and we have a great relationship (atm)👨👩👧👦. When we hear of other married couples who are struggling, we feel for them. We feel helpless as we don’t know what the solution is but wanted to be authentic about how hard and seasonal it is🏖🌋. …. My advice on relationships
1. Be self-aware. I’m a different person when I am tired and its taken me years to realise that I’m not worth talking to when I’m tired😴. If I am tired and I have an argument with my wife or anyone for that matter, it’s probably due to my poor judgement🤐. I’m better off going to sleep then I am trying to figure out what’s really happening and resolving it.
For me its sleep but for another person it might be something else. Be self-aware enough to know when you’re at your best and when you’re not, do not try to resolve things until you’re ok in yourself.
2. Meditation🧘♀️. My wife says meditation has really helped her put up with me. The effects must be miraculous because that’s quite an achievement.
3. Talk. I didn’t see the value of talking (i think its a male thing) but taking out time every other day to talk and listen to each other without interruption has really helped us stay on the same page. I resisted these talks at the start, didn’t see the value of them and thought they were making our relationship businesslike, but now I’m the one that pushes for them.
4. Don’t talk🤫. Dont talk about your issues with your/your partners family or friends, it breaks your partner’s trust. It’s better to talk it out together and resolve it rather than getting other people, who have their own biases, involved.
5. Everything is seasonal. Just like in nature, marriage has seasons. There’s autumn when we need to put in a lot of work, the winter when things are really rough and it’s hard to imagine what summer was like. Spring, when things are good but we work hard and invest in our relationships so that we can bear the fruits later (a happy relationship) and summer; the good times/honeymoon period.
6. Gratitude. Gratitude is so important in life and in marriage and I think my gratitude journal has helped me change my priorities and perspective and my quality of life. Improving all of these areas has directly impacted on my marriage. I feel really grateful for my wife and appreciate her more, something that it’s easy to forget when you get caught up in the day to day.
DM or comment me if you want the gratitude journalling technique that changed my life.
These are the techniques that come to mind when thinking of what has helped us, hope it helps you too. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to get in touch.